The beginning of the end?

Four years ago, my grandson Jax was born, a wonderful time indeed!  With birth, his Grandfather whom I had not seen in almost 15 years came to Portland.  We went out to lunch, it was good to see him.  As we left the restaurant I was overcome with enormous grief and saddness.  Where had the time gone?  Wasn't it just yesterday that we were bringing our son home and now we were Grandparents.  Neither one of us would be awarded parenting badges, as he was absent most of our sons growing up years and I was unavailable emotionally.  He of course thought I was nuts as I was in tears.  I later realized this was the beginning of menopause for me.  No one told me that menopause would be a time for deep reflection of your life and the choices you have made.  The feeling that you are on the downside slope of this thing we call life.  Constantly longing and missing of days gone by.  Wishing you could of done, or should have done things differently.  I have battled depression my whole life for which I take meds for but this is different.  When we are in our 20's and 30's some of us explore, what happened?  Excatly when or what made us who or what could we blame and then try to repair our psyche.  At 52 now, it doesn't matter who or what bottom line, for me I was just born nutty!  I had irrational fears as a child, no one did that to me, it was just who I was.  I have since asked my Mom, "Didn't you realize that was not normal?"  Like the time I jumped out of the bathroom window one Saturday morning because I thought someone had broke in the house and was killing my family.  Oh its a hilarious story, but seriously what had made me so fearful?  I don't know.  Maybe I had heard about the Manson murders, I don't recall that but who knows.  My Mom told me I was a lazy baby, I refused to walk, I wanted to be carried everywhere.  I remember when I was kid thinking, if I was in a wheel chair I wouldn't have to walk anywhere, and gee if only they didn't do away with slavery I could have someone do all my work for me.  As an adult I am ashamed to admit that those were thoughts I had, but they were!  Like I said, I wondered why my Mom didn't realize I was nutty, lol.  However, what would or could she have done?  I was extremely bright.  I taught myself to read and did well at school in the early years but I had glitches, but no one knew that for mostly they stayed in my head.